Suit Square Off
by Ififall
Summary: MMA/Nate and Nick Diaz/How I Met Your Mother crossover songfic. Barney and Marshall clash over a MMA fighter.


A/N: Slash, Strong Language, Adult scenes. Changed version of Christina Aguilera's song "Your Body"

_"I came here tonight to get you out of my mind,  
I'm gonna take what I find (uh oh, yeah)"_

Karaoke Ted? We could be serenading hot waitresses at the new coffee shop and you feel more at home...at home...Ted you're in your prime...act like it dammit"

"But it's Power Ballads night" Ted whined. "I was trying to seduce Marshall on my cell, but he's gotta work late"

"_One_ song, then can we please give the single women of the world hope and get out of here?" Barney asked.

Five songs later, jacket off, microphone clasped to his chest Barney was trying to get a heart-felt moment with a Patrick Swayze number but Ted kept on interrupting.

"Just a fool to believe"

"Just a foool to believeee"

"Ted you're a _backing_ singer, supporting my greatness and heartbreaking soothing lullaby that will comfort the babes of the woods, don't over do it, now let's start over" When Ted got it right, to reward himself Barney went out to the bar, all the hotties had gone, but he'd seen something else to his standards that he wanted to get a grip on.

_"So open the box, don't need no key I'm unlocked  
And I won't tell you to stop (uh oh, yeah!)"_

He asked the bartender to give a drink to a young guy that looked depressed. One warm smile later and he and this guy were at a table. The guy had rejected Barney's drink of alcohol and replaced it with water. He looked too young to be a former alcoholic, but nothing surprised Barney anymore. "That's cute, you take care of your great physique, as well as your adorable good looks...you a model?" Barney asked.

"Fuck no...I'm a fighter" The guy said sipping his water.  
_  
__"Hey boy!  
I don't need to know where you've been,  
All I need to know is you and, no need for talking"_

Barney did a mental checklist in his head. Fighter? Boxer? Stamina, risk-taking, repressed resentment, it could make for an interesting evening. "What kind of fighter?" Barney asked. "MMA" The guy replied. "Mixed Marital Arts" Barney guessed looking to impress. "Yeah" The guy nodded. "I bet you're awesome are you a knockout guy or do you like to finish guys slowly?" Barney asked. "Both you know, check out my fights" The fighter said.

"I wasn't talking about fighting" Barney said. "Are you sure I can't relax you with something stronger? You seem tense" Barney said. "Nah" The guy shook his head, but Barney offered him a his drink and he took a tiny sip. That one sip had the right effect that Barney wanted because less than thirty minutes later they were at Barney's apartment.

_"Hey boy!  
So don't even tell me your name,  
All I need to know is whose place,  
And let's get walking"_

Barney scrambled around for a song that would suit the moment. Hall of fame by the script and Will. would do the trick. "You should see my MMA blog" Barney told him. "I've mentioned you I think" "Yeah? Let's see it" The fighter asked. Barney awkwardly stood up and the fighter pulled him back down. "I'm just fucking with you" He said. Barney moved in for a kiss, the fighter wasn't fighting him off and that was a good sign.

_"All I wanna do is touch your body  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh  
Tonight's your lucky night, I know you want it  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh"_

Barney wondered how fighters wanted to do it. If they wanted to get rough, he could handle it. He had a pretty high tolerance for pain, but there was a difference between getting spanked with a spatula and getting punched in the face for kicks. Barney didn't want blood all over the walls and the carpet, he'd had a lot of history on both of those.

_"All I wanna do is touch your body  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh  
Tonight's your lucky night, I know you want it  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh"_

Barney began unzipping this guy's hoodie down, but the guy zipped it back up. "Maintaining the mystery I like that" Barney said willing to play the fighter's game for no longer than twenty minutes. After kissing his neck and biting his collarbone he beginning to think this guy was playing hard to get. "Have you fought today?" Barney asked giving the fighter questionable puppy dog eyes.

"Kind of" He replied.

It was time to temporarily give this guy the exchange of power, but Barney would make sure that he got it back. "If you want to, you can take out that aggression on me" Barney said.

_"It's true what you heard, I am a freak, I'm disturbed  
So come on and give me your worst (uh oh, yeah)"  
_

As the fighter took Barney's shirt off, he bit his lip in thought. Were fighters kinky? Did they wanna work out in front of you? Did Bootcamp Bondage even exist or was that a rumor? Barney lifted up his own T-shirt to help himself find out. The fighter licked him a little. Barney refused to moan, but was pleased this was going further, but then the fighter stopped.

_"We're moving faster than slow,  
If you don't know where to go,  
I'll finish off on my own (uh oh, yeah)"  
_

"I've gotta go" he said, getting up. "WwwWait, let's watch TV. You can just put your head in my lap and can go to sleep" Barney said. "Nah...nice try" The fighter said making his way out. There had to be some other way to track him down. Barney hoped that the bar he met this guy at was a usual place for that guy to hang out. He took "Hall of Fame" out of the CD player and buttoned his shirt up. He looked the clock. It wasn't too late to find someone else.

_"Hey boy!  
I don't need to know where you've been,  
All I need to know is you and, no need for talking"_

Coming out from a greasy spoon Marshall bumped into a guy that was rubbing his stomach. He opened his sandwich lid and offered the guy some food. The guy shook his head. "No thanks" Being naturally nosey he asked the guy if he was hungry. "Have you got any money?" Marshall asked. "I can spare you..." "I work" The guy said.

"Yeah I know" Marshall said. "I recognise you"

_"So don't even tell me your game  
All I need to know is who plays  
And let's get walking...  
Don't wait hey..."_

Marshall took the guy back to the café he came out of and brought him a sandwich. "What's it like? You know, being a fighter?" Marshall asked. "If everyone scared of you?" He asked. "You're not" The fighter said taking the salad out of the sandwich to save. "It's just punching and kicking people...do you like it?" Marshall asked taking a sip of coffee he'd ordered.

"It's okay"

"Anything to pay those bills. I guess it's better than being up to you neck in chronological clauses and data printouts" Marshall asked telling him quickly about his office job.

_"All I wanna do is trust your body  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh  
I'll take you out tonight, I've got the money  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh"_

Marshall could feel the chemistry but he wasn't sure if he should say anything or try to think about making a move. He couldn't charm people like Ted or Barney. The fighter went to the bathroom and Marshall put his number in the guy's sandwich plate. It would be awkward if he ate it. Marshall would know if he'd forced someone to unknowingly eat paper in a couple of days time. He got home and got a shower changing into his relax day T-shirt and jogging bottoms. The waiting game had begun, but he wouldn't wait too long...who was Marshall kidding...yes he totally would.

_"All I wanna do is help your body  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh  
Tonight's your lucky night, I'll deal with Barney  
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh"  
_

His phone rang and he sprinted to pick it up.

"Marshall...how's your night? Mine was a little weird, but you've gotta keep casting that rod up and down until willing bait crawls under you" Barney said.

"How was power ballads night?" Marshall asked. "Who won?"

"Marshall, Karaoke it's more about the comradery, than winning...but now you've mentioned it I won...badly...Ted's ass got kicked"

"Next week Rock gods" Marshall told him.

_"I think you already know my name"_

After a night typing confidentiality deeds and enforcement wavers he decided to get some sleep. He checked his phone one last time before going to bed and falling asleep with his TV on. Marshall turned over away from the rattle of the vibration of his phone. The fighter he'd met had a question for him. Whether the fighter called him or not, Marshall couldn't tell anyone that he'd given a random person his number. Barney would never let him hear the end of it. _  
_


End file.
